#the rare and elusive me

[inbox847]

I have to talk about this. The trust and generosity and commitment around this table is murdering me. It is hurting my heart in the best possible way.

@quiddie has talked about the amazing gifts that Erika has given in this game and I just need to call out this one. At the table, Ava is coming from a place that makes total sense to her, there is no intended viciousness, and the reaction she gets is a shock. Above the table? Erika is a genius improviser and she knows the opportunity she is offering Brennan and the story. Genuinely saying something devastatingly hurtful to another character that allows for a scene of this intensity and importance? It requires a degree of confidence, trust and bravery that I long for. I am terrified of it, and envious, and so, so blessed to be able to see it.

I used to be an actor. I mean, I'm still an actor, I never won't be, but I changed careers to be a mental health therapist and I don't have a schedule that allows me to commit to projects or classes. When I was training, improv terrified me for a very specific reason: what I craved from acting was permission. I felt compelled to shrink myself in real life, to be unobtrusive and easily digestible - nothing sharp or sour or missing - but if someone gave me a script that told me to have a big feeling, buddy, I had been holding that feeling in reserve my whole life. I had captured it from stories, I had analyzed it from every angle. I just needed someone to tell me that having that emotion was a condition of success, and I could figure out the rest. Letting someone else tell me what to do gave me permission to be myself.

Improv, I understand now, demands that you give that permission to yourself. You declare that your thoughts, feelings and instincts are worthy of the space they take up. When I was in acting school, I didn't understand that I was allowed to do this, so every improv class was an exercise in frustration and terror. No one would tell me how to do it right, and anything I chose, I was responsible for. Everyone would know that I thought it up with my own brain. Everyone would be able to see me.

It's through Dimension 20 and other live play, and starting to play D&D with friends as a result, that I've finally started to trust myself to sometimes make a great choice and other times make a bad one or a scared one or a boring one and still be fine because it's all made up do what you want. And I still find myself always wanting to make the choice that serves my comfort by being the voice of calm, by fixing things, by targeting the solution instead of the story. And that's okay! That's what I needed when I started playing, to feel like I could be part of something bigger than myself. I still had to feel like I was useful to the party, and moreover, the people I was playing with also wanted and needed that. I think lots of home games are like that. The story you are crafting with your friends serves your shared goals, but it doesn't have to do anything more than that. It can stay on the table.

D20 (and all live play) has the additional above-the-table motivation that it has to be good to watch. Which means the players not only have to target their individual and shared goals but also mindfully embrace and create moments of difficulty. It's never just on the DM to do this, although, my god do they ever, but the moment that generates this scene, that allows Brennan to bare Tula's teeth and Rashawn to urgently weep and Jasper to let Thorn forget he was ever afraid of his mother-in-law, is a perfect gift from Erika to the other players AND to her own character, to create an opportunity for Ava to have to face hurt and rage and the demand that she do better.

I crave this kind of play. I want to look into the eyes of my best friends and know that I can challenge them and be challenged in return. I'm still terrified but I want to do it terrified.

This is the scene we’re submitting to the Actualplay Emmys

[petz5]

girl help i havent drawn in 2 weeks and u can tell from this warmup

[cryptidwrestling]

...You know. All my stress aside, today being October 30, Rhea has the chance to be the funniest motherfucker and put on her Crow-Looking fit when she comes back

[soviet-siscon]

what is Halloween if not an opportunity to dress your daughter up in a little witch costume with a skirt that's way too short and scare her with movies so she clings to you and gets hard a lil? (lesbians btw)

[candyredappledragon]

Im so happy you ket Marshadow, he seemed to take a liking to you for some reason, i don't think you two are actually that different to be honest, im glad the legendary has a friend now

well marshadow doesnt mind me too much. i think. i aint going to abandon a pokemon just because let alone it be a mythical!

though marshadows are from alola originally.. thats a long ways getting them over here to kitakami now that i think about it. and we are not that similar.

[ilmatarii]

come join my durgetash shipping server. 18+ enjoying these sketchy ass awful people and their similarly awful situationship

[havingfurrythots]

Political discussions, dangerous ground to tread on tumblr! Text is a super bad medium for it sometimes, especially here, but I figured I'd answer the effectively rhetorical "so what has Biden done" question you got.

The president, while important individually, doesn't run the country solo. Their administration appoints thousands and thousands of people, and this has super wide-ranging and lasting impacts.

I was looking up information about electric vs combustion engine efficiency (RIVETING, I know), but I realized I'm actually able to like... use some .gov sites as resources again - there are actual new studies out. As in, people appointed aren't trying to just gut their respective agencies like in a Trump presidency. There is actual discussion and debate about how to properly handle transport needs in greener ways.

I was also looking at recent anti-trust action - things are happening again in the space, especially to apple, amazon, and google. About time, looks like more to come too.

We have a department of education that believes in, well, public education again, which is a damn nice change.

We have at least some funding for infrastructure work - not perfect, but better than none. Foot in the door situation here.

My partner is trans. The complete erosion of her rights has at least stemmed some. We have a breather to fight and push for change, and we do. (I really can't stress enough how long the list is https://transequality.org/the-discrimination-administration)

Do I like the current system? No. Do I like what it's enabling overseas? No. Do I unanimously approve of everything the current administration is doing? Absolutely not. That would be insane.

But as much as I wish we all could drop everything and just focus on the genocide in Gaza, and that attention alone would stop it, we can't. That's just not how reality works. Other things are happening. And if there's no one you can push to change, the options dry up, and that inaction remains inaction.

thank you so much for this, I know this stuff but I'm not smart or coherent enough to communicate it at all. Really saving my bacon with this. Very thorough too which i also greatly appreciate.

[estradasphere]

hiii rottel. loving the continuation of ur estradasphere collection recently👍

THANK YOU HEHEHEH ME TOO

[ambyandony]

Will you carry this dagger with you when you leave? Let it be sharp enough to cut the memories I can't bear to think it through, can't bear the thought of losing you Will you carry this dagger with you when you leave?

(Okay so this was late and I'm going to be late again because I'm super busy this month, but for the prompt 'dagger' I reeeaaally didn't feel like drawing Dolly Dagger (I have also not read PHF yet) so I instead drew my friend's OC Phoenix and his Stand, Bishop's Knife Trick.)

[franstastic-ideas]

I miss when Mythical Pokémon had extensive lore and special locations tied to them instead of them being unceremoniously dropped in the storage system.

[invoke-parlay]

[axellis-archv-2]

luchino valentines card i could kill him?

[rugessnome]

not to dispute most of this post but Forvo, an online pronunciation dictionary, does exist!

youtubers love to say “i hope i’m pronouncing that correctly” while recording themselves in a video that they upload to the internet, which they have access to

[princess-adronitis]

.

[nightingale-prompts]

The Nightingale Family-DC x DP prompt

(Shameless Addams family inspired prompt)

News travels fast in Gotham, especially in affluent circles. A new family has arrived in the city, old money at that. They had taken up residents in the old mansion overlooking the Historic Gotham Graveyard.

The Nightingales had a way of letting their presence be known. They were rarely seen in public. The eldest Jasmine Nightingale however had made waves working at the Gotham Asylum as a psychologist. She was often escorted by her younger brother Dan Nightingale. The public really started talking when Jazz was seen talking with Harley Quinn.

There were two children that lived in the Nightingale manor. They were elusive to say the least as the family didn't attend the parties of Gotham.

It wasn't until Damian Wayne got an invite from his classmate Danielle to visit their manor that someone saw the lives of Nightingales. This invite had been received after Damian carefully befriended the youngest Nightingale to investigate their connections.

That's how the Waynes ended up at a dinner party.

The manor was bleak to say the least and that's saying something in Gotham. The buildingbwas made from black stones and gargoyles perched on the roof. The garden was wilted and full of thrones that crept up the walls.

Bruce felt a sense of Deja vu as he approached the door and rang the bell. Tower bells rang out as the face of Jasmine Nightingale appeared. She was dressed in black dress pants and blazer. Her lips were painted to match. Her red hair had a striking white streak through it which had become a fashion trend since the family's arrival to girls wanting to seem mysterious.

"Good Evening. It is so nice to meet the infamous Waynes." She shook Bruce's hand. Behind her, the sounds of clanking metal was heard. "That is just my younger siblings playing. You don't you boys join while I talk to your father.

Despite only being a fresh-faced 20 year old Jazz carried herself like a confident adult. A certified genius in psychology who graduated early she also handled the inmates at the Asylum well enough that escapes are at an all time low.

"She's got it all" was what Harley said.

Bruce's admiration of the young lady was only matched by his suspicion. The house the Nightingales lived y had once belonged to the Al Ghouls. There was no telling yet if there was a connection.

He took a seat in the living room with Jazz tea already prepared. She poured two cups of black tea. Not black as in the type of tea but the color of the drink. Bruce cautiously sniffed the black liquid, it smelled earthy and acidic. Poison.

"Do you like it? I made it myself. I added the belladonna myself. It has a sweet taste so you don't need sugar. The kids have sweet tooths but we avoid added sugars. They love nightshade." She smiled drinking.

Bruce put the cup down. So they drink poison at a young age. They must be part of The League of Assassins. But why are they here?

"If you don't mind me asking. Why did you move to Gotham? Your parents-" Jazz put a hand up as she finished her cup.

"Mr. Wayne I'm sure you are no stranger to parents leaving before their time nor the concept that not all parents deserve children. Now I can't confirm or deny if that is the case for use but you can understand that it's a private matter." Jazz said sternly.

That wasn't an answer.

Upstairs Danny and Danielle played with Elle's new toys. Swords from Dan's trip to Portugal. He even sharpened them. They were currently tearing through the mansion.

Tim and Damian caught them while Danny had successfully pinned Elle to the ground.

"Dami! Help!" Elle yelled catching Danny off guard as Damian tackled Danny to the ground.

"Alright, alright. You can go next." Danny rolling Damian off him and passing him the sword. "Im taking a break."

Danny loved playing with his little sister but baby games are tiring.

"They let you play with swords," Tim exclaimed. This wasn't something he expected, sure it was normal for Damian but Damian is weird and was raised by assassins. Damian didn't do it for fun, it was training.

Damian and Danielle ran off while fencing.

"You must be one of the Waynes. Elle has been excited to have your brother over." Danny said politely if not a bit dismissive.

"Eh, yeah. Your sister said we should join you." Tim said a bit awkward. " You have another brother right?"

"Oh, yeah. He travels alot but he's relaxing right now. He's probably swimming." Danny shrugged.

Tim had heard of Danny. They went to the same school but Danny was part of a program that allowed him to come to school when he felt like it. The program is for young engineers who want to work for Wayne Industries. He mostly worked on small experimental projects. So far Danny's superconductor tech was revolutionary but impossible to replicate. Danny somehow managed to make a more effective coolant than anything they had created in the lab.

"You have a pool?" Tim knew that the mansion didn't have a pool.

"Of water? No." Danny shrugged but gave no further answer.

"I see, so what do you do?" Tim tried to sound normal like he was talking to his friends and not someone he was trying to probe.

"Anything, everything. I was going to recalibrate my telescope but I have a laser to test." Danny walked off expecting Tim to follow.

Testing was just cut a bunch of things in half. Tim got some great info on making an explosive ice canister and foam bombs. Tim made sure to get his number to hire him to make some gear for him.

The Nightingale kids were absolutely lawless. They destroyed everything in their path.

Elle had dragged Damian to her room to show off her toys. She used to travel with Dan until she started school. She picked up a bunch of items. Cult artifacts, shrunken heads, voodoo dolls, cursed puppets, knives, swords, and the homemade taxidermy Elle made from roadkill. She also had a pet dodo bird named Ernesto who had a bed next to her bed. Ernesto took a liking to Damian and sat on his head. The way he shows his affection

Soon enough Dan came upstairs to check on Elle and Danny.

"You kids, need to get ready for dinner. Sharpen your nails and teeth." He said before going back to the kitchen.

"What does that mean?" Damian asked.

"You don't sharpen your nails. Well good luck at dinner." Elle said bemused.

Dinner was...horrifying. Watching the family chat happily as they ripped apart the moving food as it came to life. Damian was actually excited as he skewered the cheese and broccoli casserole that screamed at him.

"Father, why can't we do this at our home?" He asked.

[dg-outlaw]

Fic WRITERS...

I needed to see everybody’s reaction to Bruce as Nightwing. I needed to see Jason Todd looking for Dick for whatever reason only to see Bruce squeezed into that suit and break down laughing harder than he has in years. I needed him calling every person he knows to tell them to come see this shit. I needed the Titans trying to check up on him, seeing Bruce and turning around so fast that just their movements say “I’m not dealing with this shit today”. I needed Barbara telling the BOP about this and half of them not believing her. I needed to see more of Bruce beating up criminals as if he’s Batman and then throwing very poorly thought of quips and then the criminals being like “what the fuck happened to him?”. DC for the love of god please release an issue detailing Bruce’s time as Nightwing.